


Fix You

by sunsetglow (suchfun)



Category: 2PM
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hospital, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-03
Updated: 2014-02-03
Packaged: 2018-01-07 10:25:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1118788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suchfun/pseuds/sunsetglow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Right from when he gets up far too early, through his hurried shower and breakfast and drive to the hospital, through to his pre-rounds and everything in between, all Chansung can think about is Khun.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fix You

**Author's Note:**

> This… is a hospital au. I do not work in a hospital. I did a lot of research but I probably have some glaring errors. Please don't hold that against me?
> 
> Eternal gratitude to [gongjins](http://archiveofourown.org/users/gongjins) for being an amazing mod and to [bek](http://archiveofourown.org/users/bek) for the beta. Inspired by [this anon request](http://kpopfickink.livejournal.com/6933.html?thread=467477). Originally written for the 2011 [One Day Big Bang](http://onedaybb.livejournal.com). Reposted from [here](http://morago.livejournal.com/8596.html).

Chansung has only been a surgical intern for two months when his resident suddenly leaves. He and the four other interns assigned to Doctor Park are left without a proper mentor for a week before being told they're being split up and allocated to other residents—Chansung and Junho to Doctor Seo, Jia and Min to Doctor Wang and Kwon to Doctor Lee—and although they never really got the chance to know each other properly, Chansung's going to miss them. He was just starting to enjoy their company, and even though he knows he'll still see them around it won't be the same. Not only that, but all of the other groups will have established their own dynamic by now, so he has no idea how they'll react to two new people disrupting their process, not to mention creating competition for surgeries.

Still, Chansung is optimistic by nature, and he's always been good at adapting so he can't help but feel excited by the future, and when they all meet for a goodbye celebration at a tented street stall near the hospital he ends up shouting one too many bottles of soju. Junho falls asleep in the remnants of the dried squid and Min and Jia sway drunkenly together to the Beyoncé impression Kwon is doing for the table of nurses nearby. Kwon has hardly had anything to drink but he doesn't need stimulants to lower his inhibitions and even the owner ahjumma stops to watch, shaking her head with a smile as Kwon moves directly into Justin Bieber.

When Junho groans beside him, almost in objection to Kwon's high note, Chansung realises it's getting late and he should probably take him home. He stands up and hooks Junho's arm over his shoulder, Kwon noticing them leaving and rushing over to hug them goodbye. Chansung waves to Jia and Min, and with one last look at his friends he lifts up the flap of the tent and ducks underneath but Junho drags his feet and makes him stumble. His grip loosens and he feels himself dropping Junho—and then suddenly he's straightening up and they're both still standing and Junho suddenly feels a lot lighter.

"Are you okay?" someone says, their hands clutching at Junho's shoulder, helping to support his weight.

Chansung looks up and into the bright eyes of Junho's saviour and nods. "I am now."

"I have that effect on people," the man says, smiling, and Chansung grins back.

"I guess I'm lucky you came along, then." He shifts Junho's weight and the man steps closer, his arm curling around Junho's waist as they help him over to a wall and prop him against it. The man looks and sounds exotic but also kind of familiar and at first Chansung thinks he might be a celebrity, but then he catches the faint scent of antiseptic and it clicks. "You're an intern at the hospital, right? Me too, I'm Hwang Chansung."

"Yeah, I think I've seen you around." The guy's mouth and eyes curve into a smile and he makes sure Junho is steady before he holds out a hand, overly polite with his other hand to his elbow. Chansung manages to hold Junho up with his hip long enough to return the gesture. "I'm Nichkhun."

"Thanks for your help, you saved Junho's life tonight."

"It's in the job description, isn't it?" Chansung laughs and Nichkhun grins wider. "Are you alright with him now?"

"Yeah, no problem, I'm used to it. Thanks again." 

At Chansung's reassurance Nichkhun inclines his head and waves a little before stepping into the tent. Chansung watches him go but then Junho starts moaning and pressing his face further into the brick wall, and Chansung has to pull him away and get him home before he gets too many scratches.

+

Chansung doesn't sleep well at all that night, and although he'd like to blame Junho's heavy breathing from next to him in the bed, he knows it's really because he's so nervous about how things will go under a new resident. 

Doctor Park had been pretty casual in his teaching style, preferring more of a you-observe-and-ask-questions-if-you-wanna method, and even though Chansung had liked him enough he generally appreciates a much firmer guiding hand. He wonders what Doctor Seo will be like and all of the unknowns ensure that he only gets a few hours of real rest. The only thing that makes him feel better the next morning is the knowledge that he can't be feeling as bad as Junho, because Junho is hung over.

He staggers into the kitchenette where Chansung is making coffee and barely makes it to the table before collapsing all over it, groaning.

"Have some coffee," Chansung says.

"Urg," Junho says.

"You have ten minutes if you want to be ready in time for pre-rounds," Chansung says.

"Urg," Junho says again, before slowly and painfully levering himself back up, snatching Chansung's coffee from him and lurching back the way he came.

+

Chansung loses track of Junho somewhere between the locker room and the surgical wing, but Junho usually likes to go off and do his own thing anyway. An initial glimpse at the hospital records doesn't uncover any fascinating surgeries that have come in overnight, but Chansung makes an effort to visit some of the patients anyway. He has just finished with Nam Minhee in Room 1717, who needs a splenectomy, when he checks the time and swears because somehow it's 5.07am and he's running late for rounds. He hurries to the locker room, trying to remember anything about the patients he just saw, but his frustration with himself for acting so irresponsibly takes over and he berates himself the whole way instead. 

When he pushes into the locker room all six of its occupants look up, and Chansung immediately starts bowing in apology. "Doctor Seo, I'm so sorry I'm late."

"You got here early to try and find the good cases, right?" Doctor Seo leans back against the lockers, watching Chansung closely through his black frames. His tone is neutral. Chansung isn't sure whether that's good or bad.

"I was just…" he trails off, glancing at Junho, but Junho is concentrating on tying his shoelaces. Which are already done up.

Okay. Definitely bad, then. Chansung's stomach clenches even tighter.

Doctor Seo nods and steps closer to Chansung. "I understand you want to do well, maybe even impress me a little, but you have to prioritise. We're waiting on you, and so are our patients, and if anything happened it would be your fault. You have human lives resting in your hands, Doctor Hwang. Please remember that." He sounds disappointed, and to Chansung that feels worse than any punishment dealt in anger.

He bows again, as low as he can. "I'm really sorry," he says, trying to inject all of his sincerity into it, holding his pose for a few more seconds before straightening up.

"This is difficult for all of us, Doctor Hwang. None of us are familiar with each other—my guys don't know your abilities and you don't know theirs and that's dangerous." As he speaks, Minjae gestures to the four vaguely familiar interns sitting quietly on the bench behind him, before pointing at Junho and then finally at Chansung. Chansung finds his gaze drawn to the tip of his finger, watching as it sweeps from side to side, before Doctor Seo finally turns to face his original interns and Chansung forces himself to concentrate. "So for the next few days, Doctors Lee and Hwang will be shadowing you guys and you'll report back to me on their status. Is that clear?"

Chansung looks at Junho again. He's staring at Doctor Seo like he wants to cry. Chansung tries hard to make sure he doesn't look the same way.

"Doctor Ok, you're with Doctor Hwang today," Chansung looks over to see the big guy with big features waggling his fingers in a wave, "and Doctor Jang you're assigned to Doctor Lee." The smaller guy next to Taec nods, and Doctor Seo claps. "Okay everyone, we're rounding in one minute."

The others jump up and finish their preparations and Chansung hurries over to Junho. "What the hell was that?" he hisses.

"I don't know but it sucks. Doctor Jung is doing a coronary artery bypass graft tomorrow and I really wanted to scrub in." Junho slams his locker door shut and follows Doctor Jang out, and Chansung is just about to do the same when he feels a hand on his shoulder.

He turns and blinks, surprised by who he sees.

"So," Nichkhun says, "your friend survived, then."

"Barely. You're under Doctor Seo?"

Nichkhun smiles. "Guess we were destined to work together, huh?"

Chansung smiles back, opening his mouth to answer, but the door opens again and Doctor Ok sticks his head inside.

"Khunnie," he says, frowning, "I hope you're not trying to steal my man. He's mine. Play nice and maybe I'll let you have a turn." He enters to grab Chansung's arm. "Come on, intern's intern. Come and learn from the master."

Chansung can only wave helplessly as Doctor Ok drags him away.

+

By the time Chansung has rotated through all of Doctor Seo's interns he has a pretty good idea of the playing filed. They're interesting guys, and they're weird and sometimes do stupid things but they seem to have each others' backs and they're good at what they do.

They're thankfully pretty accepting of Chansung and Junho, and they're all on first-name basis very quickly, although Chansung definitely bonds the fastest with Taecyeon. Taec can look beefy and intimidating but he's actually a big dork, and there's no one Chansung likes better than a dork. In no time they're joking around but still managing to be productive, without even endangering any lives. During one of their more serious conversations Chansung asks him what he's thinking of specializing in, but Taec says he's undecided and wants to try everything before making a decision.

Junsu, on the other hand, seems pretty taken with plastics (along with singing loudly at every given opportunity), and tells Chansung, hints of a country accent slipping into his speech, that plastic surgery is like making music—"creating something beautiful and making someone feel better about themselves". Chansung is still unsure of his logic but he's not one to argue with someone's personal philosophy.

In Wooyoung Chansung finds a clever and quick-witted peer. He's a bit cold at the beginning of their shift, but once Chansung helps him with a troublesome intubation he starts warming up. Junho doesn't like him much, but Chansung doesn't put much stock in it because Wooyoung has interest in cardiology as well and Junho is very competitive.

Khun is last, and the person Chansung is most curious about. Apparently he's from Thailand and has a stupidly complicated name so while Chansung is instructed to call him Khun, he introduces himself to his patients as Doctor Nichkhun or, when dealing with children, Doctor Buck (Chansung thinks it's safest not to ask why). It seems to work because women and children love him, and Chansung isn't at all surprised when Khun tells him he's considering gynecology or pediatrics. Khun is the best supervisor too, he's kind and helpful and makes sure Chansung gets the chance to prove his worth, even though it means Khun misses out on some of the practical stuff himself.

Chansung is grateful to him but really he's just glad when it's all over. The past four days have been some of the most intense in his life, and when Khun had dismissed him an hour ago the first thing he'd done was find an on-call room and crawl into bed.

He's hovering on the edge of sleep, right on the precipice of a long-awaited and well-deserved nap, when a frantic series of knocks startles him completely, utterly, hopelessly awake.

He squeezes his eyes shut. Maybe if he waits long enough whoever it is will go away and he'll finally be able to rest.

The knocking gets progressively louder, and it takes only a few more seconds for Chansung's conscientiousness to win out. If it was an emergency with one of his patients then he would have been paged but it might be a general problem, a closest-doctor-available type scenario, so he drags himself out of the cot and even manages to hurry to the door, unlocking it as he mentally prepares himself for a dying, blood-soaked patient—but that is not who darts past Chansung to hide behind the open door.

Who it _is_ is a rather frightened, disheveled and lipstick-smeared Khun.

Chansung raises his eyebrows. Khun furrows his own and looks so pleadingly at Chansung that he thinks some of the children in Peds could probably learn from him.

"Please help me!" Khun whispers furiously, and Chansung is about to ask him what with when there is the sudden loud clacking of heels that gets closer very quickly and then Nurse Song appears in the doorway, face flushed and eyes wild. She cranes her neck to see into the room and Chansung finds himself standing taller to block her view.

"Doctor Hwang," she says, distracted but still managing to incline her head politely, "have you seen Doctor Nichkhun this evening?"

Chansung pretends to think. "I don't think so," he says eventually, watching with some amusement as her face falls. She bows quickly to him, no longer interested in his company, and continues on her quest. Chansung watches her turn the corner and waits until the echoes of her heels have faded completely before stepping back inside and swinging the door shut.

Khun smiles sheepishly at him. "Thanks, I owe you."

Chansung reaches out to straighten his collar. "So Doctor Seo's only going to hear good things about me then?"

Khun's grin drops and he tilts his head, eying Chansung closely. "He was going to anyway," Khun says seriously and Chansung frowns, but before he can clarify anything there's another interruption, more knocking on the door before it's pushed open.

"Chansung," Junho says, glancing up from a chart, "Doctor Seo wants… oh, hey Khun. I didn't realise…" He frowns, obviously taking in Khun 's mussed hair and Chansung's hands near his neck before looking back to Chansung.

It takes Chansung a few seconds to interpret his confused stare and when he does he realises Junho probably has completely the wrong idea and he can't snatch his hands away fast enough. "No, it's not… we're not, um. The nurse! Khun needed help and I… I helped."

"I see." Junho shuts his chart and starts to back out. "Sorry to interrupt."

"No it's not— We weren't— Khun!" Chansung turns to him for help but he's just laughing, and he pushes off the wall to clap Chansung on the back.

"Come on, if Doctor Seo is looking for us then we should hurry." He slips around Junho and out of the room and Chansung watches him go before turning back to Junho.

"We weren't though."

"Uh huh." Junho looks Chansung up and down before following Khun.

"We weren't!"

+

"So I hear you've been spending some quality time with our Khunnie," Taec says, slamming his metal food tray down next to Chansung's and grinning widely at him.

It's the first day he and Junho have actually been able to go back to be being proper interns, and Doctor Seo had either been impressed by Chansung or wanted to torture him, because he assigned Chansung to the Chief of Surgery's important neuro case. Chansung has barely had time to breathe let alone eat or drink in hours, and he wasn't expecting the others to join him in the cafeteria for lunch—he thought they would have eaten ages ago. "You told him?" he says, looking to Junho who shrugs.

"What, I had to know what kind of person he is, I can't let my Chansungie fraternise with a bad guy." He leans over to spoon his unwanted soup into an empty section on Chansung's tray before sitting opposite, Wooyoung joining him.

" _Fraternise_ , huh?" Taec says, wiggling his eyebrows greasily, and Wooyoung rolls his eyes and flicks some bean sprouts at him.

"Stop it, you'll scare the children."

"Children?" Junho protests but he's interrupted by Junsu who arrives, sees there's only four chairs at the table, pushes Wooyoung's tray aside and sits directly on his lap.

"There's other chairs over there," Wooyoung whines, but Junsu glares at him.

"Yah, are you going to make your hyung get up and get one?" And he leans over the table and starts eating, forcing Wooyoung to figure out how to work around him.

Chansung exchanges a glance with Junho and wonders if it's always like this with them. All of his time with these guys has been one-on-one, and being exposed to them in such a big group is sudden and a lot to take in. When he and Junho were in the other group lunches were a much more restrained affair, and even though Jia and Kwon often used to share their unfinished food with Min and Chansung, it was never this chaotic. Chansung thinks that once he gets used to it he's going to enjoy the dynamic of this new group a whole lot more. 

He can't help but wonder what Khun's personality brings to the mix. He doesn't seem all that manic, but maybe it takes him time to relax around new people. Chansung himself isn't exactly acting normally—if he was more familiar with these guys he would be eating the tofu Wooyoung has left on his tray and ribbing Junsu for spilling his food on his scrubs.

"Where's Khun?" he asks, unable to help himself, and Taecyeon's eyes immediately light up with mischief. Chansung should have known it was exactly the wrong thing to say.

"Why do you wanna know?" Taecyeon asks, leaning in, but there's a bang and the tabletop bounces as he jerks backwards, face twisted in pain. He drops his chopsticks and clutches his leg. "Ow! Wooyoungie!"

Wooyoung looks up, kimchi half in his mouth, eyes glazed over. "Huh?"

"Don't kick me!" In retaliation Taecyeon darts forward to steal his rice, Wooyoung whines and blames Junsu for the kick, and Junsu continues to eat, feigning innocence and slipping straight into Wooyoung's chair when Wooyoung gets up and starts to pull on Taecyeon's ears.

Chansung can only sit and watch, intent on eating as much as he can to fill him up for the rest of his shift and grateful that they're no longer talking about Khun. 

+

The ER isn't Chansung's favourite place. It's busy and hectic and crowded, there are too many demanding patients and not enough staff, and the interns rarely get assigned anything more than sutures. Still, he understands that the skills he can learn and hone in such a high-pressure environment are essential, particularly since he's usually the type of person who values time to think about how he'll respond to a situation, so he readily volunteers with Khun for Doctor Lee Juseob's trauma service.

The only problem on this particular day is that there's very little trauma. When Chansung talks to a nurse she tells them there's only a minor car accident and a ladder fall, with a few others that have already been seen to, and he wonders why Doctor Seo bothered to assign both he and Khun to the department.

"It's bad to wish it was busier, right?" he says, glancing at Khun, who seems to be just as bad at hiding his disappointment as Chansung is.

"Very," Khun agrees, looking at him too, before wrapping dry fingers around Chansung's wrist. "Come on."

The ladder guy is still sorting out his paperwork so Khun pulls him over to the car crash victims—a woman and a little girl occupying the same gurney. Chansung checks their notes. They were brought in via ambulance ten minutes ago after being involved in a traffic collision. The impact was on the driver's side, the child had been sitting on the passenger's side, both victims had been wearing seatbelts, the mother has a suspected left leg fracture, no obvious injuries on the girl other than some lacerations on her arms. Chansung hands the notes to Khun and crouches down in front of the girl.

"Hello," he says, smiling at her, "my name's Chansung. What's yours?"

"Hong Misun," she says, not taking her eyes off her mother. "What's wrong with my mommy?"

Chansung stands back up. "How about we move to our own bed and let Doctor Buck check on her? Then we'll find out."

She nods and he holds out his hand, helping her off the gurney and around to another one next to it, lifting her up. Khun immediately moves in and begins checking Mrs. Hong as Chansung examines Misun.

"No tenderness or swelling anywhere other than the lacerations," Chansung mutters to himself, "no bumps to the head… Hey Misunnie, did you hit your head? Does it hurt?" He takes out his penlight and checks her eyes but her pupils are responsive and she doesn't react when he then runs his fingertips over her scalp.

"I'm fine," she says, craning her neck to watch Khun. "How's my mommy?"

"She's hurt her leg but she's going to be okay," Khun says gently, turning to smile reassuringly at Misun, who nods and relaxes a little in Chansung's hands. Even Chansung feels better at his words and he can't help admiring Khun's bedside manner all over again.

Shaking his head, he does a few more quick tests on Misun. She'll need sutures (of course) but other than that she seems fine. He turns to Mrs. Hong, figuring she'll want an update. "Mrs. Hong, your daughter has some deep cuts but I'll sew them up and she'll be fine, so there's no need to worry."

Mrs. Hong nods, grimacing as Khun runs his hands down her leg.

"Definitely a bad break. I'm gonna need to get some x-rays to check it out properly," Khun reports. He finishes his exam and pulls up the sides of the bed, securing Mrs. Hong. "You gonna be okay here?"

"I'll be fine. If you need any help though…" he says, and Khun grins.

"Good try, but this one's mine." Chansung gives him his best pout but he ignores it and turns to Misun. "Okay, I'm gonna take your mom so we can fix her, but I promise I'll let you know how she's going, okay?"

Misun nods. "Bye mommy," she says.

Mrs. Hong flails out an arm, and Khun shifts her bed closer to Misun, who reaches out and clutches her hand. They don't say anything but then Misun smiles and Mrs. Hong smiles back and lets go, Khun nodding and pushing her gurney towards the elevators.

Chansung watches him go, thinking about how much he hates doing sutures, before grabbing some supplies and a stool, making himself comfortable in front of Misun.

"Okay, how are you with needles? Do you hate them?" He pulls a face as he organises his implements but she just shakes her head and holds out her arm. "Brave girl, I'm impressed."

"My friend Jinho doesn't like needles."

"Oh yeah?" he says, and trying to keep her talking, but she just watches calmly as he anesthetises and cleans out the wound, and he can't help but admire her composure.

She would probably do well working in the ER.

"Yeah. He fainted when we had them at school. Everyone laughed but it was really mean so I made them stop."

Chansung grins and shakes his head, not doubting her for a moment, before concentrating back on her wound and carefully beginning to sew it up.

"That doctor with my mommy is good, right?" she asks after a while, and Chansung nods.

"He is. Plus, he'll be working with an even better one to fix her, so you don't have to worry."

"Why is his name Doctor Buck? That's silly."

"He's a silly guy." Chansung pauses. "Don't tell him I said that."

"Do you like him?" she asks.

Chansung grins at her bluntness and moves on to the second, bigger wound on her arm. "We really don't know each other very well but I like him okay."

"I like someone," she says softly, much shier now and ducking her head, and Chansung doesn't think he's ever been so charmed by another human being in his life.

"Really? Is it Jinho?" he teases, and her mouth drops open.

"How did you know?"

Chansung looks around before leaning in conspiratorially. "I studied hearts in school. I know a lot about them."

"Really?" She tilts her head, thoughtful. "Then why do I like Jinho? He gets scared a lot and he doesn't wash his hair."

"I don't know, Misunnie," Chansung says softly. "I'm not sure if that's something anyone will ever figure out."

+

"Doctor Hwang," Doctor Lee Juseob says as he finally appears and sweeps through the ER, passing Chansung just as he finishes with Misun's third and last set of stitches, "I need you for a moment."

Chansung curbs his grin, trying not to seem too interested. Maybe Doctor Lee needs him for some important trauma case and was just testing his abilities with the basics here first. Maybe he'll get a really good surgery. Maybe he'll even get to hold a clamp.

He hurriedly packs up his materials and pats Misun on the head. "I'll be back, okay? Just stay here."

She nods and he moves over to Doctor Lee at the nurses' station. "Doctor Lee?"

"Where have you been assigned today?"

"Just here, with you, sir." Chansung stands up tall and tries to look dependable.

"Good!" he says cheerfully, signing a form with a flourish. "In that case, today you are the sole adult responsible for Hong Misun."

Chansung frowns. He's… what? "I'm sorry sir?"

"While Mrs. Hong is having surgery on her broken leg someone needs to look after her daughter. Her husband is in the army and her sister can't get here until later so that leaves you." 

"I'm babysitting," he says distantly, trying process the fact that he went through all those years of study and spent all of that money just to be assigned to a job an unqualified fifteen year old could do. "Isn't there someone else who could do that? What about the hospital's daycare program?"

Doctor Lee closes a folder and hands it to a nurse, stepping behind the counter to check the computer. "I need someone with a medical background to look after her. Now why might that be?"

"To torture an intern?" Chansung can't stop himself from saying, although Doctor Lee just laughs.

"Yes, but what _medical_ reason?" 

"Patients involved in car accidents have be kept under observation because they may not start showing symptoms straight away and pain can sometimes set in twenty-four to forty-eight hours later," Chansung says automatically. He frowns as he processes what he's actually saying and realises Doctor Lee has a point, and then he immediately feels bad for being so selfish—Misun could be injured and he's busy thinking about surgeries. "I'm on it," he tells Doctor Lee, who nods and pats him on the shoulder before disappearing into Trauma Room One. Chansung turns and heads back over to Misun.

"Chansung-oppa," she says as he approaches, looking like she's in pain, and Chansung hurries his steps, "I need to go to the toilet."

Chansung sighs.

+

"Chansung-oppa."

"Hmm."

"Chansung-oppa."

"Misunnie."

"Oppa oppa oppa oppa oppa oppa!"

Chansung finally breaks and turns to her, finding her sitting calmly on the floor behind him, body parts of the plastic human body replica he'd given her to keep her occupied spread across the floor. "Misunnie. I'm trying to study," he says, trying to be patient, but it's kind of hard when he only just found a spare office to work in after forty five minutes of searching whilst Misun regaled him with the complete discography of her favourite idol band. Chansung had been looking forward to finally completing a few more of his designated research hours but now it's very clear that that won't be happening.

"I know but…" She shakes her head. "It's okay."

"No," Chansung says gently, because she suddenly sounds vulnerable in a way that no child should, "say it. You can talk to me about anything."

She takes a deep breath. "My mommy's gonna be okay, right?"

Chansung frowns. So that's what she's worried about. He puts down his pen and lowers himself to the floor, scooting over to sit opposite her. "Of course she is. She'll have a sore leg for a while, but she'll be okay."

"When Jinho hurt his arm he got metal in it. Is my mommy getting metal in her leg?" Misun very carefully isn't looking at him, instead playing with one of the lungs near her foot, but Chansung hears the wobble in her voice.

"Yes." She finally looks up at him, horrified, and he has to hold in a grin. "But that's what will help her. Her bone is broken right now and to make sure we fix her properly we need to use some metal. But it's very clean and very safe, I promise."

"So she'll be able to take me to Everland again?" 

He suspects that 'Everland' is scared-young-girl code for 'everything', but goes with it anyway. "Not straight away," he admits. "She'll have to wear a cast and a big boot, and she'll have to use crutches to walk properly, but once she's better I bet she'll take you to Everland as many times as you want." He picks up the plastic heart and grins at her. "Cross my heart."

She laughs and seems to relax a little, fixing her attention back on the body puzzle, and Chansung sits with her and helps her put it together for a while, explaining the names and functions of each piece she asks about and testing her on the easy ones.

Their calm is broken by Khun, who barges inside looking incredibly frazzled. He spots Chansung and Misun on the floor and ventures further into the room.

"Buck-oppa!" Misun greets him. "How is my mommy?"

"She's great Misunnie, I just have to talk to Chansung-oppa for a minute, okay?"

Chansung grins. "Never thought I'd hear you call me 'oppa'." He levers himself up and brushes off his pants. "What's up?"

"Where can I find chocopies? Doctor San says he never operates without eating one first and Mrs. Hong's surgery is scheduled in half an hour and Chansung," he curls his warm fingers around Chansung's arm and yanks him closer, his eyes huge and pleading, "you have to help me."

Chansung considers messing with him but then decides against it—he's already stressed enough. "You're in luck, I think I saw some in the vending machine in the attendings' lounge earlier."

Khun's entire body relaxes, and he looks like he's about to cry with relief. "Thank you. So much." He yanks Chansung forward into a giant hug and Chansung laughs in surprise but hugs him back. 

"You should get back to it, then."

Khun steps back and looks longingly at the plastic pieces. "What you're doing looks like much more fun."

"You miss us," Chansung teases, "that's so cute."

He's a bit unprepared for the serious look Khun gives him and wonders if he's done something wrong, but after a moment Khun smiles widely and says, "Of course! Who wouldn't miss little Misunnie?" He stoops down to start tickling her and she squeals with laughter, flailing her limbs out and thrashing them around, her giggles high-pitched and carefree and such a relief to hear that Chansung can't help but laugh with her.

+

At lunchtime Chansung is still on Misun-duty but by that point he can't bring himself to care. They get food together, Misun delighted by the idea of eating doctor food, and Chansung directs her to the table Khun is saving for them.

"Hey Misun-ah," Khun says brightly, sitting up in his chair as they approach him. He pulls out the seat next to him and pats it, taking her tray for her. "Sit next to Oppa."

"Hello Buck-oppa," she says primly, and Chansung exchanges smitten grins with Khun as she has to boost herself up onto the chair. She pauses and cocks her head before asking curiously, "Who's that?" She gestures to Taec, who's slumped across from Khun with his right cheek pressed into the table, lab coat draped over himself like a blanket as he snores quietly.

"That's Taecyeon-oppa. He just operated for a very long time so we're letting him rest," Khun says.

Misun nods and turns her attention to her food and Chansung sits on her other side. He's just thinking of a good coded way to ask Khun how he's going with Misun's mother when Junho arrives, sliding neatly into the seat opposite Misun but barely sparing her a glance.

He looks victorious and smug and Chansung cocks an eyebrow and waits for him to spill. "While you are babysitting, guess who is going to scrub in on a double bypass with Doctor Jung," Junho announces proudly, picking up his chopsticks with grandeur and waving them around his face. "I'll give you a hint: it starts with 'm' and ends with 'e'."

"Huh," Chansung says, making sure to sound impressed. "Congratulations. I wonder if he chose you because he'd like to watch himself operate," he teases, and Junho's face immediately darkens.

"We look nothing alike!" he blurts out, slamming down his drink down on the table with a bang. "Stop saying that!"

Chansung glances at Taec and is just about to say something to Junho when Misun pipes up.

"Excuse me," she says, and Junho blinks at her, as if just realising she's there, "Taecyeon-oppa just operated for a very long time so we should let him rest."

Junho blinks some more before turning back to Chansung. "Why is the babysittee at our table?"

"She's part of our group now, aren't you Misun-ah?" Chansung says, wrapping his free arm around her shoulders. She nods happily, mouth bulging, before she frowns and swallows loudly, glaring at her food tray.

"Everything okay?" Khun asks, concerned, and Misun shakes her head.

"I don't like onions." She pouts up at him and Chansung watches as Khun visibly melts, smiling gently at their small charge and patting her head.

"Really? Well I'll help you, okay?"

Misun beams and Khun starts the meticulous process of picking out every piece of onion and putting it on Chansung's tray.

"What's wrong with Taecyeonnie-hyung?" Wooyoung asks as he joins them, dropping his tray down and sitting on the other side of Junho.

"He just finished a twelve hour surgery," Khun says, brows furrowing. "He's probably hungry, too. Should we wake him up?"

Chansung hadn't thought of that. "Taec-hyung." He kicks him under the table but he doesn't get a response, so he picks up some kimchi with his chopsticks and leans forward to wave them under Taec's nose. "Hyung."

Taec's nose twitches and his mouth opens, and Chansung angles the chopsticks into Taec's mouth. He chews a few times before letting out another snore.

"He can sleep eat," Wooyoung says flatly.

Chansung shrugs—like that's a big deal, he can do heaps of things in his sleep that are much more impressive than eating.

"How can he even sleep with this ruckus," Junho mutters petulantly, but no one seems to be in the mood to indulge him.

Khun finishes with Misun's food and pushes it towards her encouragingly before saying, "Taec can sleep anywhere. He fell asleep in surgery once, I had to nudge him awake with a clamp."

Chansung wonders how safe it really is for Ok Taecyeon to be practicing medicine. "Pretend you didn't hear that," he tells Misun, who nods and seems quite happy to continue eating.

"Yah," Junsu says loudly as he drags over a chair, wedging himself at the end of the table before spotting Misun and adjusting his dialect, "did you guys hear about the hospital's fiftieth anniversary this weekend? The Chief says that everyone has to come up with ideas for the fundraiser."

"Like what?" Chansung asks, unable to resist and carefully not looking at Junho. "A lookalike competition?"

A choking sound comes from Junho's direction. Everyone continues to ignore him.

"Doctor Seo says there's going to be a talent show," Wooyoung says.

Junsu's eyes light up and he immediately pulls his iPod out of his lab coat and starts scrolling through it.

"It would be good to do something for the kids," Khun says, glancing at Chansung over Misun's head, and Chansung can't help but smile at him because that's just Khun.

"I like painting," Misun says helpfully.

"Painting, huh?" Chansung says. "I think we could arrange something, right guys?"

He looks around the table and Khun nods thoughtfully but he's otherwise met with silence as Wooyoung is still eating, Junsu is still scrolling and Junho is still sulking.

"You guys know I'm not actually sleeping, right?" Taec says suddenly, surprising them all as he levers his upper body up with great effort, grabbing the extra onions off Chansung and shoving them in his mouth.

It takes only a moment for everyone to go back to what they were doing, Junho muttering something about dyeing his hair red.

+

The rest of the week passes in a blur of paperwork and preparations and before Chansung knows it it's Sunday, the day of the fundraiser. It's turned into somewhat of a family festival, with food and games booths set up in the hospital's biggest courtyard, with the doctors that aren't participating in the talent show running everything. Taec isn't in the show (he says he saves his talent for the OR, which is obvious when he runs the face-painting booth and everyone comes away as a crudely-drawn cat) and neither are Chansung and Khun, but Junsu does an amazing job with a trot song that slowly morphs into a hip hop rendition of Three Bears, and Junho and Wooyoung form a unit to dance to an idol group medley that everyone seems to love.

Chansung likes to think, though, that the kids will love his and Khun's mural wall the most. They spent a long time gathering materials and harassing the Chief for permission to paint a wall, and although Chansung is pretty much exhausted already he can't wait to see the kids go crazy with the paint. He's particularly looking forward to seeing Misun, because although her mom's almost ready to go home, Chansung has noticed from his daily visits that Misun is getting very fed up with hospitals.

He can't hate the fact that this whole process has helped him get closer to Khun, either. Khun is smart and kind and funny, and although he's not above using his looks to get his own way (Chansung has been witness to many an eyelash-batting and pouting session as they've been organising everything), he has a good heart and that's what's most important.

It's been fun being around him, fun spending time getting to know him and his likes (samgyupsal) and dislikes (liars) and habits (once he feels comfortable with you, he gets pretty touchy-feely). In fact, Chansung has to wonder if he hasn't been enjoying himself too much. Khun is not someone who should be making him feel so warm inside. Khun is his peer as well as his competition, his hyung and his friend. Khun is an ally, and that's too important to lose in an environment like a hospital.

Khun is too important.

So Chansung concentrates very hard on his work. He works harder, he logs more hours in skills labs, he ensures everything is perfect for their mural, and now they're finally here.

"So, you ready Chansungie?" Khun asks, joining Chansung in scrutinising their wall space. He reaches up to run his fingers along Chansung's shoulders before slinging his arm around them, and Chansung ignores how nice it feels in favour of grinning at him.

"Let's do it."

Khun smiles back and hands him an apron, and Chansung pretends not to notice when Khun puts his head through the arm hole by accident, instead turning to greet the first few interested kids as they straggle over.

+

Eventually the kids all get tired and bored and cranky so they're herded back inside, back to their beds and treatments and operations, but Chansung is thankful that today, even if it was only for a little while, they got to do something different, something that wasn't a constant reminder of their health. For the whole three hours Misun had worn the biggest smile Chansung has ever seen, wide and toothy and so so perfect. It hadn't even disappeared when her aunt had dragged her away—in fact, it had only got wider as she high-fived Khun and then made Chansung lean down so she could kiss him on the cheek. 

Chansung is pretty sure he's going to carry that smile with him until he dies.

"Yah, Chansung-ah," Khun says, and Chansung turns around just for Khun to reach out a paint-smeared finger and draw a stripe down his nose. Chansung blinks for a moment, surprised, before he tries to look down at the damage, eyes crossing, and Khun starts laughing at him.

Chansung pouts. "What was that for?"

Khun shrugs. "Your face was looking way too clean."

"Okay then. Just let me ask you something," Chansung says, advancing on him slowly, because he just happens to have a full tray of red paint in his hands and even though they're supposed to be cleaning up he's not going to let it go to waste. "You like red, right?"

Khun's eyes widen and dart to the tray, and he starts to back away but he has nowhere to go, walking directly into the wall behind him. Chansung has him right where he wants him and moves even closer so he can't get away, their bodies almost pressed together 

"What about the wall," Khun blurts, "what if you get red on the ocean?" He jerks his head back, indicating the seascape painted behind him, but it's a terrible last-ditch effort at escape and they both know it. 

Chansung smiles sweetly at him. "We'll just make it the Red Sea." And he gently pours his tray over Khun's head, careful to angle it away from his eyes and mouth.

Khun's body locks in place as the cold paint drips down his neck before he looks up, mouth obviously trying to curl into a smile, eyes going wide before narrowing. "You have no idea what you've started," he says lowly.

"It's impossible to be scared of someone who's known as 'Doctor Buck'," Chansung answers.

"Just as well I have no intention of scaring you then," Khun says softly, and Chansung is about to ask what the he means when Khun suddenly darts forward, his paint-covered hands closing around Chansung's face and gripping at his hair to pull him right onto his lips.

Chansung only spends a moment wondering whether to be shocked before he decides that that's just wasting time and grabs at Khun's elbows, pulling him even closer, opening his mouth and running his tongue along Khun's bottom lip. Khun doesn't seem to be surprised by Chansung's response either, and he lets out a little happy hum that Chansung really wouldn't mind hearing again—and when he presses his torso to Khun's, running his hands up Khun's sides to brush his fingers over his jaw, he does.

+

It's not that Chansung is having a gay freakout (he had one of those years ago, back when he made out with his opponent in his first serious kendo competition at the age of eleven). It's not that he regrets what he did with Khun (how could he, when Khun is so amazing with his tongue). It hadn't lasted all that long, and things had been a little awkward afterwards, but Chansung has no problem with the act itself. It's just that it was kind of… unexpected. Not once did he pick up on any signs from Khun's end, so either he's not as good at reading people as he'd like to think he is or Khun is really good at hiding what he's feeling. It's been a few hours now and even though he hasn't seen Khun since it's been all he can think about. 

"Hey man," Taec says, joining him at the nurse's station. He grins briefly at Nurse Bae before handing her a folder and leaning against the bench. "I saw the mural, those crabs that are the same size as the whale are stellar."

"Shut up, sick children drew those so they're perfect," Chansung says absently. He forces himself to concentrate and finishes reading over his chart before signing it and leaning over to file it.

"You okay?" Taec asks, and Chansung looks up to see him watching, dark eyes narrowed. "Tell Taecyeonnie-hyung all your problems."

Chansung looks around but no one they know is near and Nurse Bae is chatting with someone a few metres away, so he pulls Taec closer and says quietly, "It's Khun."

"Ah, the aftermath of the paint kiss," Taec says knowingly, and Chansung gapes.

"You _know_?"

"Of course, I know everything." Taec stands up tall, trying to be mysterious, but he fails miserably when his eyes crinkle up at the corners and his teeth poke out in a large grin. "Actually, Kwon knows _everything_ , I just know lots about Khun. I'm his housemate, he tells me things. Also, he talks to his sisters on the phone and I eavesdrop."

Chansung shakes his head. "Hyung," he says, disapproving, but he can't help but be glad that he doesn't have to explain everything. "What should I do now?"

"You and Khun are as stupid as each other. You know he's in the same state as you? And you also know that nothing more is going to happen until you stop talking to other people about it and actually talk to _each other_."

He says it like the prospect isn't utterly terrifying, like the possibility of rejection isn't a concern, and like the outcome doesn't determine Chansung's potential for a happy and fulfilled future.

Taec rolls his eyes at Chansung's silence. "God, would you stop stressing? You like each other, you have a good time together, neither of you are attached, neither of you is an authority figure, just have fun with it, take it as it comes."

Chansung wishes it really was that simple, but he knows from experience that as soon as you swap out two different genders for two of the same you immediately lose a lot of that ease, not to mention the fact that they work together and he doesn't know what Khun wants and—

"Seriously Chansungie, you don't have to get married." He punches Chansung's shoulder. "Not that you could anyway, right, because it's illegal."

Chansung sighs. "Go away now."

"Going!" Taecyeon salutes cheerfully, and with a last wink at Nurse Bae he whisks away towards the on call rooms.

Chansung rolls his eyes when Nurse Bae follows after him less than a minute later.

+

The next day is just as bad. Right from when he gets up far too early, through his hurried shower and breakfast and drive to the hospital, through to his pre-rounds and everything in between, all he can he think about is Khun. No matter how much he tries to concentrate, his mind keeps wandering to the memory of Khun's hands on him, his lips, his warm breath and even warmer tongue and…

Rounds that morning are a disaster. Doctor Seo asks him the most basic question about a bowel resection and he's just about to answer but then Khun smiles at something and he suddenly can't remember anything and is left stuttering and clueless, which Doctor Seo doesn't react well to at all. While the others all get to scrub in on surgeries he gets put on scut as punishment for his mistake, and the concept of running labs for hours on end is enough to make Chansung want to bang his head against a wall. 

The feeling only intensifies when Khun pulls him into a linen closet right after rounds. He keeps the door open, but Chansung still feels himself tense up.

"So we should talk," Khun says, fidgeting a little and looking just as uncomfortable as Chansung feels.

"Yeah," Chansung agrees, hoping he doesn't mean that in a way that means 'let's talk right at this moment or else'.

"I'm busy now, obviously," Khun says, and Chansung lets out his breath in a rush (of relief or in disappointment, he's not sure—maybe both?), but then Khun continues, "so how about lunch?"

Chansung nods. "Okay," he says, and Khun offers a small smile before turning and walking away.

+

At first Chansung is happy for the extra few hours to gather his wits but their lunch break comes way too soon, and he is still way too nervous to have a proper conversation.

When they meet up in the cafeteria it's by accident, Khun joining the line for the vending machine just behind him, and Chansung is so awkward as he pretends to be just fine, pretends like he's not still constantly thinking about Khun, pretends like he doesn't want to just push him down and start sucking on his neck right in front of every doctor here.

Once they've got their food they both look over to the table where the others are sitting, Junho and Junsu laughing loudly as Taec and Wooyoung perform a bad parody of some vaguely familiar idol group choreography, before looking at each other and wordlessly heading back inside to find somewhere else.

+

They end up in the stairwell that no one ever uses, in the East Wing where Peds used to be before the whole department got an upgrade. It's quiet, probably the only quiet place in the hospital, but it's like a ghost town and Chansung had crowded closer to Khun as they walked down the empty corridor, feeling very creeped out.

Khun sits on the top step and Chansung sits beside him, their food left forgotten behind them, and for a few moments they sit in silence.

Chansung starts to feel suffocated, under incredible pressure to say the right thing, but for once he doesn't know what that is. _Talk to him_ , Taec had said, but he doesn't really know where to begin.

Chansung clears his throat, finally daring to look at Khun.

Khun looks back.

They stay like that for a while.

And then something in Khun's eyes softens and he suddenly shifts closer, pressing their thighs together. Chansung lets him know it's okay by taking his hand, unable to stop himself from nervously playing with Khun's fingers.

"I'm usually not like this," Khun says. He seems to be waiting for something so Chansung nods. "I'm passive aggressive. I don't talk about things if I think it'll cause an issue and it takes me a while to process things and I wouldn't confront you about this, except we kissed. And I liked it. And I like you."

Khun stops. Chansung blinks.

"I like you too," he says.

"Okay," Khun says.

And then Chansung finds himself sliding his fingers to Khun's wrist, up the inside of his arm, up his hard bicep and over the sleeve of his scrubs, across his shoulder and to his neck, where his hand finally stops and his fingertips brush the hair at Khun's nape. Khun's eyes are so trusting as he angles his face toward Chansung's and Chansung leans in and presses his mouth to Khun's, gentle at first, and it isn't quite right because his nose is squishing Khun's but then Khun tilts his head further and opens his mouth and it's perfect. Chansung strokes Khun's neck and Khun's closest arm moves to run up Chansung's back, fingers tracing his vertebrae as his tongue traces Chansung's lips. Chansung gets steadily warmer, tinglier, and it isn't until Khun pulls away slightly that he remembers his need to breathe.

"Talking is overrated anyway," Khun says unsteadily, and Chansung can see how much he's trying to force himself to be articulate, can see it in his dark eyes and reddened ears and panting mouth, before he gives up completely and pulls Chansung towards him again.

+

"So you guys never came back at lunch yesterday, what happened?" Taec asks the next morning, dropping down next to Chansung on the bench in the locker room. Chansung wrinkles his nose as the distinct stench of vomit invades his nostrils and pushes him away.

"What happened to you, you're gross," he complains and Taec looks down at the large stain on his scrubs and shrugs.

"I was on call last night, didn't have time to change until now." He lifts his scrub top off, muscles bulging and sliding against his skin with the action. Chansung tries not to admire his physique too obviously. "Soooooo what happened?"

"Nothing," Chansung says. He stands up and slides on his coat, securing his pens in the breast pocket. "We just made out a little." He finally looks back at Taec, who has an eyebrow raised very high, and he can't help the smile from spreading across his face. "If 'a little' actually translates to 'a lot'."

Taec grins back "Sexcellent," he crows, clapping Chansung on the arm. "Go for it buddy, get that hot Thai tail."

"Thai tail?" Chansung repeats, amused, and Taec shrugs helplessly.

"I just finished a thirty hour shift, it's the best I got."

"Chansung, we're rounding," Junho says, poking his head around the corner, and Chansung nods.

"Get some rest okay," he says to Taec, because other man looks like he now needs about thirty hours of sleep, and Chansung has learned that he always pretends to be much more energetic than he actually is. "Or I won't tell you anything else. Ever."

Taec immediately falls back to sprawl against the bench, faking loud, long snores.

\+ 

Rounding for Chansung is thankfully a one hundred percent improvement on the day before, and he even answers a question that no one else knows about the procedure involved in completing a craniotomy. Junho pulls a face and pretends not to be jealous as Doctor Seo tells Chansung he did a good job, but Khun winks at Chansung and then lets their hands brush together as they move on to the next patient and that definitely makes up for Junho's bad sportsmanship.

His day only improves when they reach the last room on their rotation and he walks in to see Mrs. Hong sitting on the bed, beaming at him. Chansung supposes it's probably not very nice to feel happy that someone he likes is spending so much time in _hospital_ , but honestly it's so nice to see a familiar face that he can't bring himself to care.

"Doctor Nichkhun," Doctor Seo says, and Khun smiles widely at Mrs. Hong before reeling off her post-operative stats. Chansung listens with one ear, wondering where Misun is.

When Khun finishes Doctor Seo hands Chansung the chart. "Doctor Hwang, you'll be covering post-op patients today," Doctor Seo says. Chansung feels his brief spate of pleasure fizzle at the thought of all the monitoring he has to do now, wondering when he'll ever get a break, and feeling only marginally better when Khun smiles at him one last time before Doctor's Seo herds him out.

Trying not to sigh, Chansung turns back to Mrs. Hong and opens her chart. "You're recovering well," he says, scanning its contents. "How's the pain?"

"I feel like I'm dying every time my painkillers wear off," she says bluntly, and she sounds so much like Misun that Chansung can't help laughing.

"I'm told that's normal," he tells her, moving around to pull down the covers, inspecting the plaster cast. "I haven't seen Misun in a while."

"She's had school. My sister will be bringing her in later though, you should come by again."

"Oh," he says, disappointed. He hasn't been able to see her since the fundraiser and he's been finding himself missing her. "I'm not sure I'll make it, I'm gonna be pretty busy. How is she? How are her injuries?"

"She's fine. Thank you so much, you did an excellent job with the stitches."

Chansung bows his head in thanks.

"I've scheduled her for an eye test though," she continues. "She's had a few headaches, and it's about that time. Everyone in my family has glasses, she doesn't stand a chance."

"Glasses are pretty cool these days anyway," Chansung says, finishing up. "Okay, you're alright for now. Do you know when you get to go home?"

"Doctor San said he'd come with a physiotherapist and speak to me today," she tells him, settling under the blanket. "Do try and visit again later, okay?"

Chansung nods. "Okay. Right now, I have to go. You just relax and get better."

She nods, already nuzzling back into her pillow, and Chansung lets her be.

+

After that it's a blur of complaining patients, patients in pain and patients with post-op complications and patients with questions that Chansung can't answer. He's frustrated and annoyed by the time lunch comes around, especially since it doesn't match up with Khun's—or anyone's, for that matter—and he eats alone in the locker room. 

When he finally earns an afternoon break (technically he's just waiting for some results but he'll take what he can get) he's more than ready to see Khun and he sneaks away to page him. He still hasn't heard anything back in three minutes so he decides to go looking for him and is just passing the on-call rooms on the first floor when someone grabs his arm, yanks him inside one of them, and turns the lock.

"What—" he starts but then turns to see Khun and he's such a welcome sight that he can't stop himself from grinning. "You should check your pager," he says, "I've been trying to contact you, it might be broken—"

But before he can continue Khun grabs his face, thumbs stroking over his cheekbones as he curls his fingers behind his ears, and then they're pressed together. Khun's palms are warm and dry on his cheeks, gentle pressure that draws him even closer so he can feel Khun's hot breath against his lips but Khun's not doing anything, just standing there watching Chansung, so Chansung takes the initiative and then they're there—lips together, mouths opening, tongues sliding, and Chansung has never wanted anything as badly in his life, except maybe his residency.

"Want you so much," Khun mutters and Chansung can't tell if it's those reciprocating words or the way Khun is licking down his throat that makes him shiver but Khun seems delighted by his reaction, grinning widely and running his hand down Chansung's front to settle on the drawstring of his scrub pants, twining it around his fingers.

"Shit," Chansung hisses, trying not to seem so needy but it's impossible when Khun is using his other hand to draw his fingernails—trimmed neatly, perfect for surgical gloves—up Chansung's spine and then down again, gentle pressure that's spreading goosebumps across Chansung's whole body.

"I guess that means you want me too," Khun teases, but Chansung ignores him, too busy grabbing his face and hauling it back up again, immediately sucking Khun's bottom lip into his mouth and pulling on it with his teeth.

Khun grunts but the sound is drowned out suddenly by a loud beeping, and it takes Chansung a few seconds to come to the disappointing realisation that he's being paged.

"Khun," he murmurs between kisses, "I've got… I can't… My pager…" Khun growls in frustration and with one last lick to Chansung's lip he lets him go, although not completely—the hand on his drawstring remains, flitting up to let his fingernails graze lightly through the trail of hair above it, distracting Chansung completely as he unhooks his pager.

"It's not a 911, right?" Khun says hopefully, drawing him closer again, fingers dipping down into his pants this time. "You don't have to go right now, right?" No sooner has he finished saying it when his beeper sounds too, and he groans in frustration.

"I think that means we should both go. Come on." He slides Khun's hand out and lifts it up to kiss it. "We can continue this later."

Khun pouts, petulantly straightening his clothes and hair. "Why do we care so much," he complains.

"Because we're amazing doctors," Chansung says, placating as he does up his drawstring. "Come on." He links his fingers with Khun's and pulls him out of the room, almost running directly into Junho.

Junho looks them over and raises an eyebrow.

"We were only doing half of what you're thinking," Chansung tells him hastily, patting at his hair.

Junho lets out a skeptical hum.

+

Later, Khun pages Chansung as soon as his C-section is finished, and it's perfect timing because Chansung has just hit another brief lull in his day, so they organize to meet in Mrs. Hong's room. When Chansung arrives Khun is just checking her monitors. He still has his scrub cap on and Chansung is kind of weirded out by how much of a turn-on he finds it.

"Hey," he says, stepping into the room.

Both Khun and Mrs. Hong turn to smile at him, and he briefly enjoys feeling so welcome.

"You made it back," Mrs. Hong says.

"Couldn't stay away for too long. How was your surgery?" Chansung asks Khun, moving to the end of Mrs. Hong's bed. He picks up her chart and gives it a once over, pleased when Khun joins him, standing very close behind him and peering over his shoulder.

"It went well, my patient now has a nice healthy baby girl."

"That's wonderful," Mrs. Hong says warmly.

Chansung nods and replaces her chart. "Did Doctor San come and talk to you, Mrs. Hong?"

"Yes, and he's releasing me tomorrow, thank God. You boys are very handsome, but I just want to go home."

"It's okay, we understand," Khun says. He steps away, covertly trailing his fingertips over the small of Chansung's back.

Chansung elbows him in mock annoyance. "We don't, but we'll pretend we do. Is Misun still coming by?"

"Ask her yourself," Khun says, nodding to the door. Chansung turns to see Misun's aunt, Mrs. Kim, standing in the doorway, a much smaller body barely visible behind her.

"Hello," Mrs. Kim greets them, and bows.

"Hello," Chansung says, bowing back, but he's focused on Misun. She's still hiding behind her aunt, watching Chansung with big eyes, and she's way too quiet. Maybe she's sick? Chansung steps a little closer to them and squats, craning his neck to see Misun. "Misunnie, hello," he says and smiles. She doesn't smile back. He waits a moment, but nothing further happens so he stands back up and exchanges a worried look with Khun. 

Mrs. Hong seems puzzled too and forces a grin, extending her arms encouragingly. "Misunnie?"

"Look Misun-ah, it's mommy," Mrs. Kim tries to prompt her, but Misun doesn't move an inch.

And then she does, her eyes rolling back as she collapses onto the floor.

+

Chansung remembers very little about what happens next but he must have done it all on autopilot because suddenly he's in the middle of scrubbing in, rubbing soap into his hands as he stands between Doctor Seo and Chief Park, watching through the window into the operating room as the surgical staff prep Misun for surgery. As Chief Park rambles about cerebral hemorrhages he has vague memories of rushing to Misun on the ground, of calling for a consult, of getting a CT and seeing a bleed on Misun's brain, of rushing her to the OR, but all he can really see is Misun's face the moment she fainted, her eyes disappearing underneath her eyelids, her body crashing to the cold linoleum— 

"—Doctor Hwang?"

Chansung jerks, splashing water on his scrubs. "Sorry?"

Doctor Seo eyes him warily. "Are you going to be alright with this? If you were too close to this child then—"

"I'm fine," Chansung insists, because there is no way Misun's brain is going to be cut open without him in the room. "I can do this."

"Okay, then," Chief Park says. He finishes rinsing his hands and heads into the OR. Doctor Seo watches Chansung for another few moments before following him.

Chansung looks back to where the anesthesiologist is putting Misun under and takes a deep breath.

+

Chansung isn't alright.

Doctor Seo shaves a section of Misun's skull and cleans the area, and then Chief Park picks up the scalpel. It glints in the harsh light and as he lowers it to Misun's head Chansung feels his urge to vomit intensify, until finally it presses into skin and Chief Park traces it over her scalp.

At the sight of Misun's blood Chansung has to do some deep breathing, and when Chief Park starts drilling burr holes he thanks a God he doesn't believe in for the fact that he's only observing this time, because if he had to be the one doing the cutting he would definitely be putting her life in danger.

Everything runs smoothly for just over two hours. Chief Park is right in the middle of explaining how he's going to close up when there's suddenly a lot of blood, too much blood, and it's somehow spurting all over Chansung. Doctor Seo starts yelling and the monitor starts beeping and Chief Park starts working even faster but Chansung can't do anything, he's useless and frozen and he _can't do anything_. Misun's blood, the blood from Misun's _brain_ , is all over his scrubs and suddenly all he can think about is how he'll have to buy more. He's running out of clean ones and he meant to order more weeks ago but then his resident left and then he met Khun and then Misun—

" _Doctor Hwang_!" Doctor Seo yells. 

Chansung looks down at the hole in Misun's skull and it clicks suddenly. He grabs the suction device and pokes it into Misun's skull, pulling it out when the area's clear enough for Chief Park to actually see what he's doing. Chief Park dives back into it, and in less than a minute Misun's stable again.

Chief Park and Doctor Seo keep operating, voices strained and saying "close one". Chansung puts down the suction device, steps away, and walks out of the OR.

+

Chansung can feel himself hovering on the edge of hysteria when he finally pushes into the staff washroom, and he barely makes it inside before pressing himself to the wall, legs buckling beneath him as he slides down to the floor, hugging his knees to his chest.

All he can picture is Misun's eyes, huge and glimmering as she'd looked at Chansung and asked about her mother's safety, and all he can think about is how it's all his fault—he shouldn't have let himself get attached, shouldn't have missed her brain injury, and she didn't die, she didn't, but she could have and she still might and he's to blame for everything.

He can't tell how long he sits there, how long he's frozen in fear, staring straight ahead as Misun's blood soaks through his scrubs and into his skin, but at some point someone enters the room. At first Chansung is startled but then he lets himself relax a little because it's Khun (of course it's Khun, who else would it be) who sits down beside him.

"Chansung," Khun says, quietly, carefully, and Chansung knows he knows, can tell just from the cadence of Khun's accented speech. "Chansung," he tries again, hands slipping to Chansung's face, pulling him to face him. "Are you okay?"

"Is—" Chansung swallows and takes a deep breath before starting again, the dread steadily pooling in the pit of his stomach. "What happened?"

"She's alive," Khun tell him. "She's in a coma, but they fixed the bleed, and she's alive."

Chansung isn't sure what to feel. Relief is too much but so is regret and he's left in a strange middle ground of emotions where nothing is right and nothing feels real. He looks down because he doesn't want Khun to see him like this but all he sees is red, so much red, and suddenly his scrubs feel so heavy, like they're made of chainmail, and he has to get them off _right now_. He finally lets go of his knees and reaches for the hem of his top but his hands are shaking and he can't get a grip.

"Her blood, I can't," Chansung says, "I need to get it off, Khun, it's all over me, please—"

"Okay Chansung," Khun soothes, "it's okay, I'll help you."

He stands up and pulls Chansung with him, Chansung letting himself go pliable in his arms. He pulls Chansung's top off while Chansung manages to kick off his shoes, Khun then bending down to pull off his socks before reaching for the drawstring of his pants. Chansung wonders how it got like this, how something he spent so long fantasizing about became such a nightmare, but then Khun is sliding off his bottoms, everything, before taking his hands and leading him to a shower stall. He nudges Chansung inside and turns on the water and spends some time trying to find a good temperature before Chansung takes over, turning the tap to scalding and standing directly under the spray. Khun frowns but says nothing, simply moves closer to take Chansung's hand in his, starting at his fingers and carefully washing each inch of Chansung's skin.

Chansung watches as the water on the bottom of the stall is stained red, swirling around and around the plughole before disappearing forever but when he starts thinking about that as a metaphor for life he squeezes his eyes shut and forces himself to concentrate on the soothing motions of Khun's hands.

Khun's hands are surgeon's hands and they are generally nothing too special when not in an operating room but right now, on Chansung's body, they are everything he needs as they scrub at his arms and chest, his fingertips occasionally pressing deeper to massage the muscle underneath. Chansung opens his eyes again and finally looks at Khun, sees the concern in his eyes, sees how his stupid pink shirt is steadily becoming more wet and see-through and Chansung instantly needs him so much he can't help it—he lurches forward into Khun, pressing their lips together.

It takes a while for Khun to respond and lets Chansung unbutton and lift off his shirt but he presses his hands to Chansung's in admonishment when they reach for his belt, and Chansung can't take his expression. He can't handle the pity, he doesn't deserve it, not when he couldn't look after his patient.

"Please hyung," he whispers, "please."

Khun stares at him for a moment but then his concern melts away and there is only need and want and Chansung welcomes Khun's roughness as he's shoved against the shower wall. "It's okay Chansungie, it's really okay," Khun repeats. His wet chest is flushed pink from the heat as it slides against Chansung's and his mouth is even hotter as it drags over Chansung's skin, starting at his ear and moving down his jawline to his throat, until he's sucking at Chansung's collarbone.

Chansung finds it in him to tug at Khun's waistband again and Khun's lips immediately leave him, not that Chansung can complain, because as soon as Khun's pants are off he connects them again and they slide together and Chansung really needs this, needs anything other than the crippling guilt and shame and the knowledge that he may have destroyed one family forever.

When Chansung finally lets himself release it's with Khun keeping him upright, his fingernails digging so deep into Khun's shoulder blades he knows he's left marks, and his tears sliding down his face to mingle with the steadily cooling shower spray.

+

Khun gets Chansung home. He's quiet and helpful, anticipating Chansung's every need, and Chansung feels even more ashamed. He's always been the youngest, but he's a man. An adult, a _doctor_ , and he's acting worse than a child, worse than a helpless, tiny—

His mind flicks to the memory of Misun on the operating table, her small body dwarfed and draped and cut open and—

Khun stops the car and puts his hand on Chansung's knee. "Come on. I'll help you inside."

Chansung should say no. He doesn't.

Khun hovers just behind him as he walks, picking up his keys when he drops them because he still can't stop his hands from shaking, finding the right key on the second try and unlocking the door, pushing it open to guide Chansung inside. Chansung's house is small, built for one with the basic amenities, and Khun finds his bedroom easily. He sits Chansung down on the bed and pulls off his shoes, his jacket, his belt, and Chansung doesn't know if he's annoyed or grateful. Still, he lets Khun push him to the head of the bed, pull the blankets up and lay Chansung down, fluff up the pillow before he lets him rest his head.

Chansung expects Khun to leave as soon as he's tucked in but he doesn't, instead he slips off his jacket, hanging it carefully on the open door of Chansung's closet, and lifts up the covers, slipping nimbly into the bed. He squirms right up behind Chansung, wrapping his arm around Chansung's waist and tangling his feet between Chansung's. His nose presses into the back of Chansung's neck, where his breath grazes over Chansung's skin and gives him goosebumps.

Chansung feels himself relax at the sensation and wonders how Khun seems to know exactly what he needs.

It's quiet. It's too quiet, quiet enough that despite Khun's warmth Chansung's mind keep trying to remember the blood, and Chansung can't right now, he just can't, so he grabs Khun's hand between his and says, "Tell me something."

"What do you want me to say?" Khun asks quietly.

"I don't know, anything," Chansung says desperately. "Tell me more about the C-section."

"There were no complications. Everything went very smoothly. My patient's other daughter was really cute afterwards, she kept wanting to hold her little sister."

"I used to wish I had a little sister," Chansung says.

Khun snorts. "Well I have two, and I love them, but trust me, the worrying I do has turned me into an ahjusshi."

"I worried about Misun. Not in the right way, obviously." He can't stop the bitterness from creeping into his tone and Khun notices, moving even closer to press his thighs into the backs of Chansung's. "I got too attached, and I didn't do my job."

"You care. That's not a crime."

Chansung shakes his head, trying for clarity, but the image of Misun won't go away. He wonders if it ever will. "I completely missed her hemorrhage, and I was more like a family member than a doctor in that OR, I was completely pathetic."

"Chansung, we can't catch everything. She barely showed any symptoms and headaches are consistent with eyestrain. It was perfectly reasonable to attribute them to needing glasses."

"I should've been able to do something, I should've handled it, but I didn't," Chansung insists, trying to make Khun realise, trying to make him _see_. "You're so much better at this, you make it seem easy and you're great and I'm… I don't know if I can do this," Chansung says quietly. He doesn't know anything anymore, how can he, and how can he treat Khun like this when he deserves so much more.

Khun freezes, and Chansung can feel him take a deep breath. "Which this," he says, tone carefully neutral, "being-a-doctor-this, or us-this?"

"I don't know," Chansung whispers. "Maybe both."

There's silence for a moment, and then Khun slowly, carefully disentangles himself from Chansung. He lets go of Chansung's hands, slides his feet away, and shuffles back until Chansung feels his weight leave the bed.

"Okay," Khun says. "Just let me know when you decide." 

There's the scuffing of fabric, the padding of feet, the opening and closing of a door, and Khun is gone.

Chansung suddenly feels very cold.

+

Upon first glance, Chansung isn't sure what's worse—the memory of Misun on the table or the Misun he's seeing now, who's hooked up to so many machines and has so many cables coming out of her that she looks like a tiny, deformed alien.

He had known it was going to be like this. He shouldn't be so affected by it.

He can't help it.

It's taken him all day to get here. He'd shown up for work in the morning but Doctor Seo had refused to let him further than the locker room, telling him to take the day to finish his charting he's behind on and that the other interns would cover for him. When Chansung had gone to argue he'd just pointed at him sternly before leaving, and Taec had rubbed his shoulder supportively before heading out. Junho had given him his banana and Junsu and Wooyoung had passed on a quiet 'hwaiting!' but Khun had ignored him as he followed them, and although Chansung hadn't really expected anything more it had still hurt.

And now this. This hurts even more, this horrible vision of that once beautiful, vibrant girl, now unable to breathe on her own, who might not ever wake up. It's awful and he doesn't think he can do it, doesn't think he can see it anymore, so he turns away but it's then that he runs almost directly into her mother.

She's in a wheelchair, being pushed by Mrs. Kim, and she gives Chansung a small smile when she sees him.

Chansung wonders how she can smile at a time like this, and immediately hates himself for being so morbid and judgmental.

"Hello, Doctor Hwang," she greets him softly. 

Her sister bows. Chansung bows back.

"How is she doing?" Mrs. Hong asks, craning her neck to see into the room.

"I… don't know," Chansung admits. "I can't go in. I'm… I tried but…"

Mrs. Hong nods slowly. She looks up at her sister. "Unnie, can I talk to Doctor Hwang for a moment?"

She nods and parks Mrs. Hong next to Chansung, in front of the window to Misun's room, before patting her shoulder and heading inside.

Mrs. Hong turns to Chansung. "I hope you're not blaming yourself for what happened. It's not your fault."

Chansung stays quiet because if he doesn't, he's not sure what he'll say.

"Do you believe in heaven, Doctor Hwang?" Mrs. Hong asks.

"I'm Buddhist," Chansung says simply, and she nods in understanding.

"Well I do. We all do." They watch for a moment as Mrs. Kim reaches down and brushes Misun's hair off her forehead. "And I believe in her. I believe that she'll get through this, because she loves life and she's the strongest child I know." She pauses and turns to look up at Chansung and he forces himself to hold her gaze. "You should believe too."

"I believe in her," Chansung says quietly, and he does, because that's easy. He believes in Misun like he believes in his family, in his best friend from high school, and… in Khun.

"Then you should believe in yourself."

To that, Chansung says nothing. There's more quiet, and it's just starting to become uncomfortable when Mrs. Hong smacks her palm to the armrest of the wheelchair and says, "Aigoo, I'm suddenly so thirsty! Unnie, let's go and get something to drink," she calls. Mrs. Kim comes out to grab her chair and they're gone before Chansung realises what they're doing. 

He looks back into the room. Misun looks so lonely in there by herself.

With that, Chansung's mind is made up and he's inside her room before he can stop himself.

+

Mrs. Hong comes back half an hour later and Chansung makes sure to thank her, grasping her hand and bowing low. She pats him affectionately before shooing him away, and when Chansung leaves the room Doctor Seo is waiting outside for him.

"Doctor Seo," Chansung says, bowing again, trying not to sound too nervous, "is everything okay?"

"That's what I'm here to ask you," he says, crossing his arms.

Chansung pauses, wondering how much to say. How much should he tell this man, this man who can decide his fate, who could have him kicked him out of the program with no questions asked. How much is too much in a situation like this?

He looks up at the older man, and something suddenly tells him that the only thing he can do is tell the truth. Sincerity and honesty are important, at least to Chansung, and if he doesn't want to fall apart completely then he needs to stay true to himself, no matter what the consequences are.

"I'm not like the others," he starts slowly. "I didn't start with talent. I didn't go to a good school. I'm not a natural. I worked hard to get here, I worked so hard, and I thought that once I got here, once I started doing this thing that I love, I thought it would get easier. I thought I was prepared, I thought I could do it, I thought… But I'm not. I can't. Nothing could have prepared me for this, for how hard it is, and now I'm completely lost and confused and I have no idea what do." He forces himself to stop, because he feels like he could just keep talking until he ends up a blubbering mess on the floor, and risks a glance up at the ever-critical gaze of his boss.

"Chansung-ah," Doctor Seo says, and at first Chansung is surprised to hear his name said so casually, but then Doctor Seo continues, his tone uncompromising. "I understand why you feel that way but those are the realities of the job. If you don't like them then you shouldn't be here, because not only are you putting lives at risk but you're wasting time, money and important resources." Chansung's heart sinks. He doesn't know what he was hoping for, but it wasn't something so harsh, and now he realises what an idiot he was being. He nods and slowly backs away, but then Doctor Seo's hand falls heavily on his shoulder and Chansung looks up to see a soft, almost affectionate look on his face. "However," he continues, "you _are_ here. Yesterday wasn't a good day, it challenged everything you thought you knew, but you're here today. And there's a reason for that. It's impossible to diagnose everything, and getting attached isn't a bad thing if it helps save lives. You just have to know when to draw the line, and that's something that only comes with time. Why don't you try staying long enough to let that happen?" He squeezes Chansung's shoulder before pulling away and striding down the corridor, lab coat billowing out behind him.

Chansung watches him until he's out of sight before letting himself look back at Misun.

+

Chansung is changing in the locker room, scrub top shed and a little cold in only his wifebeater, one shoe on and one shoe off, when he gets the 911.

He doesn't even bother to re-dress before bolting to Misun's room.

+

It's chaos in Misun's room. Mrs. Hong is crying and struggling in her wheelchair and Mrs. Kim is holding her down and screaming for help. Nurse Jung is there and trying to get to Misun but he can't manoeuvre past her panicking family and it's up to Chansung to shove past them and rush to Misun's side.

Her eyes are bulging and she's gasping and choking and Chansung has never been more relieved in his life, because she's awake, she's _awake_ , and if she's fighting the tube then that means she can breathe on her own and that's the best possible outcome anyone could have hoped for. He wants to scream and sob with happiness, but instead he opts for ripping off the tape holding Misun's intubation tube in place and then carefully pulling out the tube itself. Misun starts coughing immediately, giant hacking coughs that are almost scary coming from someone of her small size, and Chansung reaches for the oxygen mask but someone beats him to it and he looks up to see Khun on the other side of the bed.

It takes Khun less than a second to assess the situation and he simultaneously presses the mask to Misun's mouth and whips the stethoscope from his neck to pass it to Chansung, who takes it to check for Misun's breath sounds.

Which are good, strong and even and… fine. She's… fine. Misun has woken up, and she's fine, and she's a little weak but she's _fine_ and Chansung suddenly feels so giddy he could burst as he realises—this is why he's still here. This is why he does this, because people are amazing and the human body is amazing and science is amazing and he can help people, really _help_ them, he can make a difference, and that's something he could never give up, ever.

The giant grin on Khun's face says he feels the same way and as Chansung allows himself to look at him, to really process the beauty of this moment, that's when the adrenaline wears off a bit and reality filters in and—Mrs. Hong is still crying, Mrs. Kim is still yelling, they're both still petrified and someone should probably put them out of their misery.

Chansung is quite happy for that person to be him.

+

Chansung is still too high on life to notice when he should leave the Hongs to be happy as a family without doctors crowding them but Khun isn't, and once they're completely certain that Misun is stable he leads Chansung out by the hand. The others are waiting when they get outside but even then Khun doesn't let go, he keeps their fingers interlocked, and Chansung is grateful because he thinks he might just float away.

In fact, Chansung is grateful for everything Khun does. Chansung is just grateful for Khun full-stop, not that Khun would know it because Chansung is an idiot—and still, Khun helps him. Chansung thinks it's about time that Khun knew.

And so, right as Khun is in the middle of telling Wooyoung what happened, Chansung grabs him by the lapels of his lab coat and pulls him into a kiss.

It's just as nice as he remembers, better even, once Khun gets over his shock and starts kissing him back, although it's impossible to ignore the others completely as Junsu makes gagging noises and Taec says proudly, "He's taking _my_ advice, you know."

Chansung rolls his eyes and pulls away from Khun, who is staring at him with stunned eyes and swollen lips, and turns to Junho to say, " _Now_ we're going to go and do exactly what you were thinking," before dragging Khun to nearest on-call room.

+

They get seventeen minutes together before Khun's pager goes off. They're not exactly done, but by the time they are Chansung can only be grateful that their profession has provided them with the skills to respond quickly in any high-pressure situation.


End file.
